What To Do If You Do Not Want To Be Edie’s Friend
- Show too many teeth when you smile.
- Surround your eyes with eyeliner to make your irises look tiny and your whites expansive.
- Seriously, you’re setting off my prey instinct. Cut it out.
- Make fun of me when I use the word “dude.”
- Or “totes.”
- Or when I watch “The Dog Whisperer.”
- Ask me if I washed my hair today.
- Give me decaffeinated coffee.
As in “tote’s magotes”?
And I wear eyeliner, dude. Does that mean we’re not friends? lmao
Hey, so do I. The dose makes the poison, though, and around a full three ounces per eyelid YOU’RE POISONING EVERYONE WHO LOOKS AT YOU
